OMG ROTFLMAO!!!

This week I received a text from a younger member of my family and despite that pricey university degree and the fact that a large part of my job involves writing I couldn't for the life of me decipher what in under god it meant. There were so many abbreviations it read more like an optician's wall chart than a text message. I thought perhaps she had accidentally sat on her phone and the random collection of letters was typed by mistake, alas she didn't and it wasn't.

There are some people who are death on this form of text talk, these people write out every word as it should be and include perfect grammar. Others seem to continually have their digits stuck on the exclamation mark, Hello!!!! Sounds Great!!!! or you have the real die hards who throw in the trusty question mark 'How's Things?!?!?!?

Those type of text preferences I can deal with, removing vowels from words to make them shorter is also permissible, snds gd (sounds good) so too are phrases like R, U and L8R but when it's a message entirely made up of seemingly random letters grouped together in a Countdown fanatics dream, then that's just not on.

Maybe I'm not down with the kids but I challenge anyone to decipher what AYTMTB or ASFASIC mean? Hieroglyphics on a cave wall would make more sense. So, not having Indiana Jones on speed dial to translate this encrypted message, I bribed/asked the teenybopper sister of a friend for a lesson in text talk.

The first means 'And you’re Telling Me This Because' the second 'As Far As I'm Concerned'. AYSOS? Are you stupid or something? Yes, on this occasion I believe I am. LOL is a classic and is the modern take on 'No Offence' it's use means you can pretty much say anything and it will be excused as a 'joke' For example, back in the day it was 'No offence but your shoes are terrible' that is offensive! These days its 'You're not invited Lol'

Lol has now been extended to ROTFLOL 'roll on the floor laughing out loud', there’s also ROTFLMFAO... let's just say if I was in the company of anyone who reacted to text message by doing just that I would SAFTW 'step away from the weirdo'.

TB used to be used quite commonly at the end of a text message. Surely if someone wants to Text Back they will, not because they've been prompted to, 'What's the craic? TB'  No. Because of your demanding ways you'll just have to guess what the craic is.

Is this lazy lingo they way forward and in future will we all be too busy to use full words in a conversation that we'll just be muttering letters to each other like sesame street Muppets on speed? It would seem so; it's already infiltrating the music scene. There is a band called LMFAO, and after hearing they're album I wanted to RMEO (rip my ears off) and Katy Perry keeps reminding us TGIF!

That's it from Quigley's point this week TTFN!

Get on your Soapbox!

It was revealed last week that Derry has been shortlisted as one of 65 potential locations for a local tv station. This got me thinking about the the type of programmes it could broadcast and so I Derry'ised some of the possibilites.
 How about 'Corporation Street' or 'Southenders' for the soap lovers among us. We could ressurect 'Glenroe' but have 'Glen Road' instead. We could showcase the goings on up at 'Brooke Park' as opposed to 'Brookside'. Imagine the cliff hanging episode when they realise someone has been buried under the swings ....
How about 'The only way is Earhart' or 'Keeping up with the Culmore'ians'
24 hours in Altnagevlin would be make for interesting viewing and we could have 'Everybody loves Raymond(s)' because surely everybody does.
 We could showcase 'The Heights' instead of 'The Hills', 'Lisfannon Beach' instead of Laguna. We could have the 'Lone (moor) Ranger or Nash 'Peace' Bridge, were a detective fights crime on the latest addition to Derry's landscape and a Derry 'Come Dine With Me' would be hilarious purely for the cutting local commentary as the Derry banter is unique and is one of my most favoruite things about the city and those who live in it.

But on a serious a note there is so much happening in and around the North West that a local tv station would flourish. Unfortunately, as with many places, the city often makes the headlines for the wrong reasons but theres an endless amount of culture, creativity and talent that is for the most part overshadowed by less than savoury goings on.

We have so much history that the Time Team would have a field day but our very own tv station would show the masses there's more to Derry than a checkered past.

This city has a lot to offer but one thing that stands in our way is that we don't rave about it. In any other countries I have been to people have no problem bigging up where they're from and taking compliments about it and indeed themselves, but in Derry we're top at putting oursleves down.
Take a typical Derry converstaion 'Thats a lovely top your wearing' 'This? Three pound, Primark, wile looking, only through it on me there, in fact it's going in the bin as soon as I get home' Or 'You're looking really well! Me? 'Not at all. Havent lifted a hairbursh in a week, I've put on four stone in two days, infact, here's a bat, would you mind hitting me with it?'
A consultation for interested areas to pitch why they should have a local tv licence ends september 23 and around 20 chosen areas will be given the green light, so lets channel our thoughts, keep plugging away and make sure we've more than a remote chance.

Back to the Future

 They say with age comes wisdom. I recently celebrated a birthday and while I don’t feel particularly wiser there are things I know now I wish I’d  known a few years back. So with the benefit of hindsight I’ve penned a letter to my younger self.

Dear  younger self, first things first, those denim wedges, dispose of immediately.  They are not the height of fashion and you will cringe at the mere thought of them later in life. Same goes for the turquiose hipsters with built in belt and patchwork jeans.

Dear younger self do not excitedly yelp ‘Yes!’ when the orthodontist asks if you want coloured elastics around your train tracks. They are not cool and will not in any way ease the gum shredding agony of metal wire pulling your teeth into place. While we’re talking metal listen to the pleas of your mother and decide against that belly button piercing.

Dear younger self, don’t worry so much about exams. Fluffing your lines in a French roleplay is not the end of the world. You will go to France in your twenties and not once will you have to go to the market and ask Pierre for 3 apples and a bag of pears. Same goes for Maths, never in your adult life will you be faced with quadratic equations or Pythagoras Theorem.

Dear younger self get off the floor, yes it's devastating that Robbie has left but hold on to that coveted Take That T-shirt it will come in handy in fifteen years time at a reunion gig in Croke park.

Dear younger self the friends you have now will continue to be a big part of your life, so don’t be annoyed when one of them accidently spills tippex on your lime green Kappa bottoms, she did you a favour in the long run.

You’ll also be delighted to hear that some day it’ll only take fifteen minutes to straighten your hair because science boffins will invent straighteners even better than those Babyliss steam ones that leak and roast your ear everytime you use them.

Dear younger self when playing football on the front field don’t hack your friends big brother so much, yes he may be a 'glory hunter' now but your paths will cross again at univeristy and he’ll become your most favourite person.

Dear younger self, things turn out pretty well so worry less and don't beat yourself up when things go wrong because you get there in the end. I mean it about those wedges though!